do you remember the time i asked if i could call you that? i wanted to fin an unique way to call you by, i remember you said something along the lines that someone already did call you that, but it was mine now so, everybody got to call you that for the rest of our 4 years of college.
i know what i did and it wasn't your fault, i fucked up but it was sort of my way of healing, just leaving you and not looking back at you.
ever since i first truly saw you, you naturaly changed my life. i still carry a part of you on a daily basis, like the way i speak and the way i think and i hated it for a while but not anymore. i'm okay now.
i sometimes wonder if you ever think about me, if you ever miss me the way i do, because after all these months i still yearn for you to finally reach out, so i can look at you and hear you one last time, but i will always deny that desire. A day after New Year's i dreamt of you; in this dream you came to my house and you spoke to me in a soft way like you used to, it was nighttime and the street lights were yellow and you looked like the last time i saw you, with your pretty wavy hair and your smile was as i remembered, now i could finally show you the car that i got for my 22nd birthday. I took you for a drive and it was silent but in the way it used to be between us, comfortable.
truth is, i could've kept everything to myself because i did die the night i finally told you, but i rather live with this consequence because i wouldn't like dying and never have spoken.
anyways, i doubt any of that matters now, if this ever gets to you i hope for you to always wake up safe and happy, if you finally decide to leave this town, i hope you find a place you can call home and to never face violence nor disgrace. you're also talented and truly smart, never forget about it, because if you do, i will feel it in my bones and the universe will do me the favor of reminding you of it.
i know you won't ever call me, and i promise to never call you when things get too good in my life, even if i'm sure both of us will always answer.
as for now, we don't exist anymore, the version of you that i loved, it's not there and the version of me you remember is gone too.
last, please do not lose yourself in this big world that we live in, and if you do, i'm sure you will find the strenght to find yourself again.
for now, the sweetest thing i can say to you now is goodbye, remember, my love for you is subjective, meaning it is endless so if you ever need me,
you know exactly where i am.may we live long and die out.
yours,
v